Here’s a secret: Humans are incredibly bad at designing their lives.

Of course there are exceptions, and some people know even as children what they want to be and how they want to live. Most of us, however, have made life-changing decisions such as what subject to go for at university or which trade to learn, based on lots of things that weren’t our own deepest wishes and desires.

Now that we’re a little older, many of us have corrected our initial, haphazard choices that may have been influenced by parents, our peers, or whatever we were temporarily into at the time. We may have divorced the unsuitable partner or changed careers. But have we truly learned how to choose better? Or is our path still the result of many outside circumstances?

Once people are in their 40s or 50s, they tend to think they’ve made their beds and now they’ll have to lie in them. I don’t think that’s true at all; I genuinely believe that making even major changes is possible at every stage in life.

However, before you sell your house and move to the North Pole, maybe this time you should make sure that your next steps actually represent, well, you. You ensure this by anchoring them, not to other people, your boss or what society expects you to do; not even to the things you think you should want.

In this article, I’ll give you guide posts that are hard to dilute or distort. You can use them reliably and repeatedly.

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Alignment

The magic word is alignment. If you make sure that your next steps are in alignment, you can’t go far wrong.

Alignment is a wonderfully graphic expression. Imagine a car, or a cart with four wheels. If only one of these wheels points in a different direction from the others, the cart won’t move. It’s no use saying: “At least the rest of them are aligned!” All four wheels need to point in the same direction – they need to be aligned – in order for the cart to move.

It’s important to bear that in mind. No one part of your life should be out of alignment, or you’ll be in trouble and wonder why your “cart” isn’t moving.

Let’s look at the three main things you should align with.

Alignment I: Values

I often talk about values, and that’s because they’re central to self knowledge and growth. Your values are at the core of your being; they’re part of who you are in your innermost self.

Values are unmutable and unchanging. To find yours, check out this list for inspiration. Pick the values that jump out at you – don’t overthink, just act on impulse – and then weigh them against each other until you’re left with the top five.

These are your main values (which doesn’t mean that the others aren’t important, too). Losing sight of your values could have serious consequences. Say one of your value is honesty, and you’re in a job where you’re required to sell something according to a script full of fibs. At best, you’ll be terribly uncomfortable, at worst you could make yourself sick by continuing to work there.

This is where alignment comes in. Next time you think about a possible next step, especially one with long-term consequences, refer to your values.

Alignment II: Dreams

I need to make a few disclaimers before I go on: Having a dream doesn’t mean that you can’t have other dreams on the side. Dreams aren’t monogamous. They can also change! You can dream of one thing today and another next month.

Having said that, our big dreams tend to change more slowly and rarely than other things in our lives. Many people have one big dream they have held since they were in their teens.

Even more have forgotten they ever did dream – and that’s why it’s important to take a step back and think of the big picture. What do you want to look back on when you’ve grown old? How would you live if money were no object? And what would you do all day?

Once you know your dream, you can align life choices with it. For example, if your dream is being a digital nomad, maybe getting a mortgage for a house isn’t the next step you should take.

Alignment III: Goals

Your goals should be based on your dreams – see how this is beginning to resemble the four wheels? It’s all connected.

You should have at least two goals for each of the big life categories. If you’re wondering what they are, check out the Life Audit. The downloadable sheet on that page contains the six major categories. In case you decide to do the Life Audit, it’ll also give you prompts for goals in each area.

Goals, too, can change. In fact, they do fairly frequently; that’s their nature. A goal is something you work towards. When it is achieved, you cross it off your list; if it becomes irrelevant before you’ve achieved it, cross it off as well. There’s no goals police! You’re allowed to change your mind.

Look at your goals when you make plans. Say you’d like to be there for your children while they grow up. If your dream job involves a lot of extended travel, there’s a conflict. You could still do both these things, but probably not at the same time in your life.

Putting it all together

In the above, I’ve already hinted at the types of conflicts that can occur. Reading them, you probably thought they were rather obvious. Of course you don’t travel for business 50% of the time if your goal is to be a daily presence in your kids’ life as they grow up! But you’d be surprised how many people make this mistake.

When reviewing my clients’ goals, I often remind them of their values and point out conflicts. My clients are some of the smartest people I’ve ever met, and yet almost every time I hear: “Of course! I never thought of that. Huh.” So don’t dismiss this and go check your own life against the three factors I mentioned above. If you’re not moving forward as you would like, there might be a conflict in alignment.

Once all your “wheels” point in the same direction, you’ll be much clearer on where you truly want to go. You’ll also have all the preconditions for a smooth ride along the way.