I often talk about lack of motivation or energy and the fact that laziness has little to do with it. Mostly, I’m known for helping people get their groove back and find the drive to do more of what they love, finding their purpose and re-prioritising their lives according to it.

Whatever could be the trouble when you’re flying? You might know the feeling, when you finally feel like an adult and your life is just humming along. Work is going well, you’re on top of your chores, heck, you might even have a workout routine established and there’s no end in sight.

Before I continue: Of course there’s nothing wrong with getting shit done. It’s just, the way we’re taught to do this isn’t particularly healthy and sets us up for problems down the line. It’s a bit like being on a very restrictive diet. The pounds are melting away, but you’ll never keep this up long-term, and ultimately you end up putting the weight back on.

Let’s unpack this, shall we? We’ll look at some pitfalls you should avoid and also establish what a healthy “on top of things” looks like.

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When you’re on a roll

What I mean when I talk about being on a roll is that feeling when one or more areas of your life go really well. Let’s say you’re doing well at work and you don’t even need three alarm clocks to get up on time, or you’ve been working out 4 times a week for the past three months, or you’re finally eating well and even meal-prepping and batch cooking on Sundays. Your household is in a shape that doesn’t want to make you hide when someone unexpectedly rings the doorbell.

Usually it’s a combination of two or more of the above that give you that heady feeling of having your act together. You might say that your inner parent or other authority figure nods approval. That usually critical inner voice is purring. You’re doing well, and you know it.

The most seductive thing about this is that you’re 100% in line with society’s expectations. Mind you, I’m not saying that any of this is bad per se! I’m all for getting organised and feeling good about yourself. It’s also absolutely possible to get shit done and not fall into the trap I’m describing.

The warning signs

The problem with having your act together is that a lot of the time, it comes at a cost. Because you’re riding on a wave of approval – your own and everybody else’s – it can be really hard to even see this cost.

There are, however, warning signs that give it away. Not all of these apply to everyone; some people only experience one or two of them. Therefore, every one is a red flag and should be treated as such.

Examples:

• You’re somehow never in the mood to do something you love, especially if your passion requires creativity.

• You have trouble sleeping; often, you’re too wired to relax properly.

• When something happens that disrupts your blissful routine, you get impatient.

• You don’t rest, or when you do, it’s with a movie, a series or some other distraction.

• You’ve started compensatory habits, such as a mandatory glass of red in the evening, energy drinks or junk food (unless eating well is part of your “getting shit done” thing).

What’s really happening

So what, you might ask? Everyone has a weakness or two. What on earth is wrong with doing well, especially if it makes you feel so good? I could take the easy way out here and say: “It’s not sustainable.” That’s true in principle, but there are people who keep this up for years. Their insomnia or hidden unhealthy habits remain a secret. They might be terribly lonely but tell themselves and the world that they don’t need anyone.

Some only come down from this when they suffer a great shock such as a major health problem or the breakdown of their marriage. And that’s the real reason why I’m raining on your picknick here – it’s not about being right or a know-it-all. It could be a matter of your health or your happiness.

Keeping it together in a way our modern world approves of requires a lot of energy and focus. It’s relentless. Rest, breaks, self-care or doing something for no practical purpose are frowned upon, and so your world shrinks to that focus on the practical.

In other words, you’re in survival mode.

In survival mode, all the frills fall away and you focus on the basics. Since those happen to be everything society approves of, you’re encouraged at every turn.

Unfortunately, the “frills” are where health, balance and happiness live. And all that moves out of reach more and more.

The healthy way

I want to emphasise again that getting shit done is not a bad thing. It’s also entirely possible to do without slipping and sliding into survival mode.

Is it complicated? Not very, no. Is it easy to do? Also no. It’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever undertake. Prepare to fail at any and all points along the journey. But it’s possible, and as long as you pick yourself back up every time you fall, you can absolutely get there.

I won’t pretend it isn’t hard. So hard, in fact, that I created an entire coaching program around it. My clients are some of the most amazing, intelligent and resourceful humans I’ve ever had the privilege to meet. To achieve this kind of balance, however, is tough without support.

Why is that so? Because, as I mentioned, society wants us to be always on the go, wired, and “on”, not relaxed, focused inwards, or in a state of Flow doing something that has not other purpose than to give us joy.

We have internalised these ideals, and going against them is a constant struggle. Add to that the fact that we’re expected to do it all these days and you have a bit of a marathon ahead.

Now this is a topic I’ve talked and written about before. For example, here’s an article about the three pillars of a happy, stress-free life. Establishing these three things in your life is a major step towards balance. Work, a healthy life and all those society-approved things are great and have their place, but only as long as they’re balanced by joy and unstructured things such as passions.