Your Laziness May Be Something More
Only the smallest minority of my clients come to me stating they suffer from burnout and need to do less. Most of them will insist – like you probably do, dear reader and wild spirit – that they’d have time if they only go their shit together, that they’re just lazy.
In truth, there’s more to this than personal failure. A lot more. And whilst I have spoken about this before, I think it’s time to truly uncover the underlying reasons, the systematic reasons why almost every woman on the planet feels like this, particularly those of Generation X – my clients.
Let’s look under the hood of your “laziness”.
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Recap: Why you’re not lazy
Before I go into the systemic reasons, I’d like to quickly recap my stance on laziness. If you’ve heard this from me before, bear with me – repetition is good for truly internalising something. If you’re new here, it’ll bring you up to speed on what I’m on about.
I’m fond of saying that I’ve never met a lazy person in my life. Those who think they’re lazy, which is most of us at some point, tend to have vastly exaggerated expectations of themselves. Basically, we expect to be active and productive 24/7. Heck, there’s programs out there that even promise to make your sleep productive (yes, really).
We live in a society that’s focused on productivity and always being on the go. The nicest things people think of saying about someone (think obituary) is that they are or were “working hard”. Our ideal is to be busy, and it’s killing us.
Stress is addictive, quite literally. The adrenaline coursing through our bodies feels good. However, stress was only ever meant to be temporary. We evolved to have a stress response so we’d have the ressources to get away from immediate danger. When we’re stressed and then don’t work off the adrenaline (by running away or fighting), it has nowhere to go and can burn us out.
Rest is the enemy
Now, I’ve spoken about the ancestral trauma that has been passed down to us through our genes (yes, trauma can be inherited, there’s research on this now). When there’s a genetic memory of being quite literally beaten for taking a break or being unwilling to work, it’s no wonder we’re finding it hard to switch off.
It’s hard to believe, but there was a time when idleness was considered a valid pastime. People were even admired for their ability to simply enjoy the simple things in life. Then the Industrial Revolution came along and with it the need to convince the masses, for obvious reasons, that work was the only way to salvation and the only way to be a decent human.
Consider that you’re carrying around this heritage, and you’ll no longer wonder why it’s so hard to relax. Even doing what you love is often squeezed into a schedule or made to conform to standards regarding performance and improvement.
“When I rest, I feel like I’m failing,” observed one of my clients. The only way most of us can justify taking a nap or even just taking an actual break is that it’ll refuel them for more work, keeping them productive.
The systemic reason
You may argue that it’s no longer the Industrial Revolution, workers and employees have rights now and nobody is beaten into working 80-hour-weeks any longer. Surely it’s possible to overcome some inherited trauma?
It is. But that’s not where the problem ends. We’re no longer in the industrial age, we now live in the information age and in late-stage capitalism, also known as surveillance capitalism. Without getting too political, it should be pretty clear that the way capitalism has gone is an ideal of perpetual growth. Some argue that this is inherent in capitalism, but there are actually other ways.
In fact, the assumption of, and need for perpetual growth is fairly new, historically speaking, just a few decades actually. Growth has always been a good thing, but for the longest time, a company that maintained its clientele and generated the same kinds of profits with the same amount of employees or workers for decades, was considered successful.
I’ll skip over the finer points, but basically the way an economy grows is people buying more stuff. And they don’t buy when they’re content or pursuing their hobbies or interests. They need to be dissatisfied so they’ll both work and consume more. And when you normalise this, people will end up burnt out without realising what’s happening to them.
Maybe you’re not lazy or a failure. Maybe you’re simply suffering from a hidden form of burnout: an emotional burnout or mental exhaustion. Both of these are the direct result of the way we live today, and how universally accepted it is as an ideal.
Why it’s so hard to do what you love
If everyone agrees on something, it takes more than a “critical mind” or “independent thinking” to go against it. It’s hard. Society comes crashing down on us with all its might. It knows how to make us afraid we’ll lose our livelihood and end up living in the streets. It knows how to make us fear we’ll die alone and friendless.
The ideal image that has been created and that’s fed to us relentlessly in advertising, movies, everywhere, is not an actual human ideal. It’s the ideal of a human that perfectly feeds economic growth. It’s not your fault you can’t live up to it; you’re not meant to. You’re meant to do time management, strive and fail, and feel miserable about it.
When I talk about slowing down and simplifying life, learning to say No and setting boundaries, people often say: “It’s not that easy!” Why, of course it isn’t – I never claimed it was! Why do you think people need coaching to do this? It’s a constant uphill battle, and at every single point, there’s the temptation to just let go and slide downhill again with all the rest of humanity, all your friends and family, and be “normal” again. Without solid support and strong habits, which take months or years to form, you don’t stand a chance.
What happens when you do decide to do the work, is beyond description, though. It’s like waking up from the Matrix, except you don’t wake up in a dystopian future, but in a beautiful world (despite its challenges). You’ll have good, clean fun, laugh a lot and be astonished at how happy you are.
Is it worth it? If you ask me, any of my clients, or anyone else on this path, you’ll be met with a resounding “Yes!”