Choose Your Own Story in 2025
A few years ago, “choose your own adventure” computer games were all the rage. Basically, you were the hero, but you got to decide at certain points which direction your story would go.
Just like real life, isn’t it? Except of course, in life we can make choices every day and every minute. At least, we can if we’re well-adapted adults and live in (mostly) free countries.
The question is: Do we really write our own stories? We obviously like to think so, but how much of what we know and tell ourselves about who we are, how much of the decisions we make about our futures, is actually us?
The answer might feel uncomfortable at first, but in the following, I’ll argue that to be human is to not be wholly independent. I’ll also show how to make sure that your true self, the core of your being, is always honoured and expressed.
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Who’s the author?
Psychology has long taught us that when it comes to humans, things are rarely as they seem.
We may think we’re independent and create our own lives. Sure, we choose our own stories - but what about the influence of early-childhood programming we’re not even aware of?
There’s now evidence that even our genes carry traces of the experiences our ancestors made, and they’re being passed on across many generations. Add to that behaviours and beliefs our parents and school teachers raised us with, and realistically a hefty chunk of our personalities and characters is the result of outside influences.
You may be fulfilling your parents’ or guardians’ dreams, not your own. Or conversely, you may have picked the opposite path in rebellion against them – which makes you just as dependent on their choices.
Even harder to identify – or admit to – are the influences on our lives that we’re exposed to every day. There’s advertising, algorithms as well as our peers and their opinions. There are people we love and want to please – and there’s nothing wrong with that, as such.
Honestly, anyone who says they’re not influenced at all by any of the above, is either a sociopath or not paying attention.
What’s a “story”, anyway?
Your story is the thing you tell yourself in your head, and sometimes tell others, too, because we don’t think in isolated, objective terms. In your head, you don’t go: “Two minutes late – train gone.” No, it’s: “Shit, I’m late again, and now I missed my train and everyone will stare at me when I’m the last to arrive at the office.” True or true?
Your brain is designed to create stories around everything. This includes your life in general. You’re in control, of course, but only if you’re aware of the influences – see above – and make conscious decisions.
Everyone has a story (multiple stories, in fact) in their minds about who they are and how they got to where they are today. Your story is what you believe to be true; we don’t consciously make up fictional events and tell them as the truth, or at least most people don’t. And yet, a story always contains at least a little interpretation of events. The missed-train story above is just one example.
How you create the story, which connections you make between events in your life and how you interpret them, depends largely on your disposition, your outlook and your health, physical and mental (ever notice how feeling awful when you’re sick can taint the way you look at the entire world?). Becoming conscious of this process allows you to take a more deliberate, intentional influence on your story, though.
Putting it all together
As explained above, nobody’s an island and we’re all subject to outside influences. Instead of trying to eliminate them, the smart thing to do is to be conscious of them – and create your own North Star, your core. Once you’ve done that, you can allow others in, because you know you’ll always find your own way.
The North Star is your purpose. It’s the Why behind the things you do and want in your life. It’s why you love who and what you love, why you get up every morning.
Knowing your purpose and aligning your life with it creates the confidence and independence of spirit you need to write your story and know that it’s truly your own – your deepest inner desire. And if you need help with that purpose thing, you can talk to me about coaching or start with the free Life Purpose Challenge.
Choose your own story in 2025
To recap: In order to write your own story, you need to first and foremost become aware of the story or stories you’ve been telling yourself all your life. You need to do some detective work to find out where these originated and which part of them is your own, as opposed to your parents’ or other people’s.
Next, you need to determine which stories have served their purpose and need to be let go. You can also write all-new stories to complement those of the old ones you’ve decided to keep. All this requires a lot of soul-searching and a long-term commitment, because this is not something you can implement in one fell swoop. It requires depth and continuous reinforcement in order to truly take root in your soul.
Then you can set goals and intentions for 2025 that are in alignment with your new and/or revamped story, followed by the hardest part: Putting it all into practice, and reviewing your progress regularly to make sure you don’t veer off path.
I’m not saying it’s impossible to do all this on your own, but it’s a monumental task. Like I said: If you need help with this, talk to me or any other qualified coach. It’s up to you to decide whether 2025 will be the year you write your own story. You’re the one who knows if you’re ready to tackle this and what the results are supposed to look like.