The movie “The Intern” is about a retired widower played by Robert de Niro, who starts an internship at a fashion company because he’s bored with his life and craves meaning. It’s a lovely movie, and yet it makes me uncomforable because it illustrates a very common phenomenon in our world: That people feel like they’re nothing without their work.

In last month’s article, I mentioned a TED Ideas piece that had made me feel a little exasperated. Brief summary: It’s about a neuroscientist who recommends never retiring at all, in order to prevent the very common decay of physical and mental facilities that often follows. Statistics show an alarming tendency of people who were completely fine up to retirement, but then suddenly decline and die not long afterwards.

Last month, I also explained the collective trauma we as a society suffer from, which goes back to the days of the Industrial Revolution when humans had to be forced to conform to deeply un-human workloads and -hours through brutal violence. It was so successful that our collective trauma, inherited from those days, makes us believe to this day that our work defines our value as humans, and that nothing else in life is as important.

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Are we doomed to go downhill after 65?

Obviously, there’s an economic aspect to all this as well. Most of us aren’t independently wealthy, so we rely on the income we generate from working. However, many people’s dedication to their job, and the way they prioritise it over everything else, far exceeds the mere need to make a living.

Last month I explained the context of our worship of “hard work”; this month, I’ll go into the steps we can take in order to overcome the trauma response and establish other, healthier priorities. Considering that this trauma costs many people their lives after they retire, it’s one of the most important things you could do for yourself.

The best time to start this work would be when you’re in your 20s, but you can start at 40 or 60, or any time. It’s never too late.

Growing old is a privilege

You’ve probably heard some people say: “If I didn’t go to work every day, I’d grow bored.” This is part of what makes people go downhill after 65, but it’s not the whole story. Another large part is that we’ve been drilled – and, as I mentioned above, traumatised – into staying active all the time. This makes the prospect of slowing down, never mind stopping to work altogether, nothing short of terrifying.

Have you ever wondered why old age is so despised in our society? Why staying eternally young is everyone’s greatest dream to the extent that many undergo expensive surgery and jump at every latest fad in order to remain youthful? Why there’s a billion-dollar global industry around this?

Don’t say people have always wanted to be young. Old age used to be revered. Old people were sources of wisdom and guidance and played an important role in society. Do you not think that the veneration for the elderly may have disappeared for the same reasons that we lost our love of idleness and downtime?

In fact, growing old is a privilege, and one that many would give a lot for – all those who died too early and in dying, realised what a privilege life is and that the important things are not a youthful appearance and a successful career, but love, laughter, joy. Look at the things people say, do, and regret at the end of their lives. Not one of them feels they should have gone to the office more.

The steps you can take

Overcoming trauma isn’t something you can do by simply understanding it intellectually. Trauma is in the body, which automatically responds to its triggers in certain ways.

What I mean to say by this is: This is going to be hard, and it’ll take a long time. You’re going to want to stop at every turn.

I know because it’s part of what I work on with my clients in my signature program. It’s also something I have worked on for myself for years. But since every journey begins with the first step, here are some steps you can take today that’ll set you off on your journey to recovery.

1. Wean yourself off distractions. This is probably the hardest part, but it’s irreplaceable. Have at least one media-free evening per week. Delete social media apps off your phone and only use social media once or twice a day, from your computer or laptop. Determine a cut-off time for all media – computer, TV, radio etc. – in the evening.

2. Learn to do nothing. Once a day, set an alarm on your phone for 10 minutes later and then do nothing. Don’t occupy your hands. Don’t listen to, or watch anything. Don’t even meditate. Warning, this can cause extreme anxiety; please know that this is because of your inherited trauma. Breathe, and persist. It’ll get easier.

3. Prioritise your passion(s). There’s a reason why this is my main message. Nothing counteracts defining yourself through your work, like placing importance on something that’ll never make you money. Prioritising a passion, hobby, or interest simply for the joy it gives you, can’t be overrated in its impact.

An alternative to never retiring

Let me paint you a picture. You’re either retired, or have had a windfall and you’ll never have to work again. You’re safe and secure.

Every morning, you wake up with tingly anticipation of the wonders that lie before you. I’m not talking about exciting events or glitzy parties, or even extensive travelling. No, what I’m talking about here is your everyday life.

Getting up, you know you’ll spend a good part of the day in Flow, almost forgetting time and completely losing yourself in an activity you love. You’ll pursue one or multiple passions, and this will give you so much joy.

You also know that you’ll have plenty of rest. You’ll have time to sit by the window sipping a cup of tea or coffee; to take a walk if you wish to; or to simply sit and let your mind wander.

The people in your life are constant sources of love and appreciation. You know you’ll spend quality time with one or more loved ones today. It’s the same as every day, and it fills you with warmth and gratitude.

Life is good.

Is this a vision you’d love to achieve? Start with the above three steps. Persisting is worth it. If you need any help with this, do contact me.

Given the statistics, once you’re at retiring age these things could quite literally save your life.