Unexpected Effects Of Slowing Down
Social media regularly feed us the idealised images of a “simple life”: A cottage in the countryside, a young woman in a sweater sitting by the window drinking tea, another young woman reading under a tree in the grass. Golden sunsets, rainy afternoons. You get the picture.
I have to admit… having chosen the “simple life” myself, a lot of these clichés are actually true. My days do look like this sometimes! But of course, that’s not all there is to it.
Neither is moving to a countryside cottage the only way of slowing down. It’s quite possible to do this while you’re working full-time. What it requires is letting go of some deep-rooted ideas about yourself and what life is supposed to be like. You’ll also have to be prepared for some unexpected effects.
The effort is definitely worth the rewards of slowing down. Far from having to do without, your life will be enriched with an intensity, a richness of experience that you may have forgotten or never knew in the first place.
Follow me as I tell you about the way to your own slower life, and the sometimes surprising side effects you may be experiencing.
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Slowing down means intensifying
While most people sigh wistfully over images like the below, few actually give up their jobs and go to live in a little cottage in a remote place. The good news is, you don’t have to do that to experience the blissful effects of slowing down.
Another incorrect perception is that slowing down means missing out. This constant need to be distracted, to catch every bit of news, every latest trend, be it in fashion, on Netflix, or even in connection with our passion(s), drives us to say Yes to altogether too many things and spend time in places that don’t enrich us, such as social media or in front of the TV.
What if all this goes away? Won’t you feel deprived? Won’t you miss it?
You almost certainly will, at first. But soon you’ll realise that you didn’t actually “stay up to date” and catch everything. You simply selected a constant stream of very shallow, superficial distraction that was designed to engage your mind and emotions to distract you from what you were actually missing out on:
Intensity. Joy. Wonder. Excitement. Feeling your body and feeling 100% at home in it. Deep, loving relationships (by that I mean all human relationships, including familial and friendship, not just romance). Hours of bliss pursuing your passion.
What does it take?
Slowing down takes the will to do it, first and foremost. It also requires a certain disregard of others’ opinions, and I don’t just mean ignoring busybodies you dislike anyway. I’m talking about the kind of disapproval that can hurt because it comes from friends and loved ones.
What it takes is saying No. A lot. And then some more. You won’t go on that night-out to a place you dislike because it’s way too loud. You’ll say No to opportunities, like a great workshop or a challenging new job, or a weekend course. Perhaps you’ll even say No to clothes and shoe shopping and the movie marathon or the Facebook “challenge” – or even a newsletter like my own! That’s ok.
None of these things are bad for you as such. Hey, my newsletter is brilliant! However, slowing down means doing a lot less. It feels very weird at first. Most people attempting this, fail for at least the first six months. Remember how you learned in school that “nature abhors a vacuum”? That’s what busy-ness is like in your life. You make room, something else will move in to fill it.
It's a struggle and requires constant attention for at least some weeks or months. It will and does get easier with time as your habits change. That’s when you’ll experience peace and the amplification of love, joy, meaningful relationships, and excitement in life. Rather than superficial distraction, you will be deeply rooted in every experience and learn and grow every day.
That’s when you’ve made it, right?
Yes, but… It’s also when it gets weird.
Some side effects possible
As you settle into slowing down and make doing a lot less, but with more intensity, a way of life, your entire being breathes a sigh of relief. When I did it, I found myself literally heaving deep, contented sighs several times a day. It just felt so good!
I’m happy to report that the intense feeling of well-being, the way my life is so much richer, hasn’t changed. It still feels like the colour intensity has been turned up on the entire world. Every experience has been enhanced and I’m much more intentional with my time. I carefully select how I spend it.
At the same time, I’ve come to notice that I’ve changed, and irrevocably so. I’m still quite resilient in the face of stress, but the way I got so much done every day, no longer exists. I remember going to the gym, going to work, doing housework and meeting up with friends, all in one day. It’s a mystery to me now.
Unexpected changes
Have I become less capable? No, I’m still as good at the same things as before. I’d say I’m even better, because I devote more energy and attention to each task. But this modern ability to do a zillion things all at once, is gone. It feels weird when I see how much some of my friends still do (and think they’ve got an “easy life”). But I feel deep in my core that I’m on to something.
Nowadays, when I go into town to meet a friend for lunch and pick up some groceries on the way back, or go out in the evening, or spend the morning gardening – I can no longer switch gears and tackle the next task. Instead, my body insists on a break. My clients report the same thing when they embark on the journey of slowing down.
We were never meant to do it all, all the time. What I’m experiencing is a return to something that resembles what a human life was supposed to look like. And it’s doing me a world of good. Obviously, not everyone can or should do what I do. You need to find your individual way of slowing down and doing what Marie Forleo calls “simplify to amplify”. Like I said above, it’s absolutely possible even with a full-time job.
You’ll know you’ve found it when your whole being seems goes “Aaaaaaaahhhhh….”.